Just Say No to Juice Box Beer

Gentle Readers, there are infinite numbers of people more qualified to write about beer than The Practical Cook. However, she is opinionated, and feels that learning what one does not like is as important as learning what one does like. Let the record show, I do not care for sweet beverages, and that is a very mild way of putting it.

Beer and Hydration at Geer Street Garden

Beer and Hydration at Geer Street Garden

I do not think beer (or anything in the beer family) should taste like a juice box or a pie. There are dark beers said to taste like chocolate, and that is also not a win in my book. So to be fair, this reviewer is chock full o’ prejudice on the subject. Read on if you will.

Beer in the great out of doors.

Beer in the great out of doors.

My personal trend: lighter beers in the summer, generally involving an orange. I like the Belgians, I like the wheats, I like the things that taste like a hint of coriander and citrus. Then comes fall,with its Oktoberfest and pumpkin beer. Seriously? I tried a sip, just a sip of Pumpkinhead Ale. I thought I was going to die. (Thanks to The Dealer for letting me try without judgment.)

Pumpkin Beer: Great label, not my thing.

Pumpkin Beer: Great label, not my thing.

After a full Thanksgiving meal, complete with pumpkin pie, the last thing I want is a beer chaser. I’m now very sure of that. It tasted like a slice of pie, beery pie. (For the record, I’m also not a fan of the pumpkin pie latte, shocking, I know.)

But wait, if not pumpkins, how about grape juice?

WTH? It tastes like Welch's. Not in the good way.

WTH? It tastes like Welch's. Not in the good way.

In my defense, this beer was not ordered by or for me (eyes on you Buttercup). Second, apparently it’s Malt Liquor, according to the label. And third, you have to see the comments here to truly appreciate what I’m talking about. Fine carbonation and dark fruit notes my a*&. It tastes like Welch’s Soda. And that is not a compliment. Yet somehow I couldn’t stop sipping it, akin to when you tell someone to smell something awful.

Give me orangey beer, not raspberries.

Give me orangey beer, not raspberries.

Last up, Hard Cider. Yes, sometimes it can be sweet. Other times it tastes peppery and sharp, like apple cider, with a nice fizz. I tried the cider at The Eddy Pub recently, and was told it “wasn’t too sweet.” I’m going to start asking if something is sweet at all. Clearly my levels are just different. It tasted like a juice box, had an incredibly high alcohol content, and made be want to drink it fast to be done with it.

Fullsteam Brewery, in a jug. Yes , please.

Fullsteam Brewery, in a jug. Yes , please.

What’s my fall/winter beer? Guinness, please. The beer that eats like a meal. But I will always try the local beer on tap, or in a jug (thank you Rocking Writer). Basically, I don’t want my beverage to interfere with my food, and this is true across the drink spectrum. I don’t claim to be a beer aficionado, I just like what I like, and do not like to stab my beer with a plastic straw before consuming. Hold the juice box, please.

Are you a fan of the sweet beer? Let your voice be heard. Post a comment below. Quick and painless. Or Tweet my way.

Questions, queries, and strong opinions can be emailed to practical cook at gmail dot com. Connect on Facebook: The Practical Cook Blog. (Thanks in advance for spreading The Practical Cook Blog word. Press “like” on Facebook today!)

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Tomorrow, Vegetarian Chili Recipe!

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