Three More of My Least Favorite Things: Texture Edition

Gentle Readers, The Practical Cook always puts texture on the list of key attributes in food. Nothing could be less appealing than limp lettuce or overcooked fish, for instance. But those are examples of items not in their prime. What about foodstuffs that are simply “not right” (to coin a Southern phrase) in texture?

Alas, I have just such a list. Here they are, Three More of My Least Favorite Things, Texture Edition:

1. Vegetarian Marshmallows. Holy cow, I love a marshmallow, hooves and all, but this brand of earth-friendly puffiness should be banned. I was slipped this mickey (oh the irony of that pun) by Complicated Vegetarian. S’mores change to No’mores if you eat them. The CV’s love them, I say give it a pass unless you’re in favor of gummy chalk.

Do not be deceived by the happy marshmallow on the bag! Unsafe at any speed.

Do not be deceived by the happy marshmallow on the bag! Unsafe at any speed.

2. Jell-O. I shouldn’t be so brand specific, as this applies to congeals, fruit molds, and aspics too. In fact, I don’t even like to add pectin to my jams. I don’t want my food to wiggle or jiggle, suspend fruit, or be toothsome and liquid at the same time. I know, not liking Jell-O or KoolAid made for a difficult childhood, sorry about that Mom.

What calamari tastes like to me, with a dash of lemon.

What calamari tastes like to me, with a dash of lemon.

3. Calamari. Not only do I equate it with the deathfish (aka, shellfish, for you new readers) genus, it chews like rubber bands. I will lump shrimp and octopus in here for good measure. I don’t want spring-back action in my dinner. I even had a visceral reaction to the faux shrimp in a vegetarian soup recently. Blech. Thanks Pavlov for the training.

Vegan Shrimp from The Loving Hut in Milpitas, CA. Couldn't eat it.

Vegan Shrimp from The Loving Hut in Milpitas, CA. Couldn't eat it.

There, I feel much better having confessed. The Practical Cook confessional is now open, what textures do you stand firm against? Post a comment below, or Tweet my way.

Send taste test request, actual cooking questions, and notes of support to practical cook at gmail dot com. Connect on Facebook: The Practical Cook Blog. (Thanks in advance for spreading The Practical Cook Blog word. Press “like” on Facebook today!)

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Tomorrow, It’s a Small Culinary World: Disney Food Review.

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